How to remain confident and calm in your relationship
Relationships add to our sense of community, our desires to be seen, loved and supported.
Many women have been groomed to seek long-term relationships as an accomplishment.
The Barbie doll has Ken. Hallmark movies and television shows model romanticized, near perfect relationships. Because of this we often have unrealistic and unspoken expectations for our partners when we enter relationships.
So, what happens when a woman enters into a committed, exclusive relationship with a man she has dreamed of only being faithful to her, having no desires or temptations once he is committed or knows what to say and do without desires being communicated?
She is often disappointed, frustrated, and sometimes heartbroken.
I am not saying a woman should not have principles, boundaries and expectations of her partner. I am stating a woman has to prepare her mind and spirit for the realities she lives in and the realities she is entering into.
Ladies, before you met your partner he more than likely had friends, associates or even relations in play BEFORE you. You may of had the same. What do we do with the prior relationships we have when we are starting a new path with a partner? CREATE BOUNDARIES.
If you are in a relationship or considering a partnership in the future, here are 7 ways to remain confident, cool and collected while communicating and managing the people who knew your special someone before you did or may meet them while you are together:
1. Remember who you are. You were special, whole, loved and valued before you entered into the relationship. Your relationship does not diminish any part of you when things do not go as expected or simply do not work out altogether. You are a separate individual with gifts and talents who has decided to join another person’s journey to make each other better. As you pour into your partner make sure you are doing so from a cup that is overflowing.
2. Communicate your true stance. To be truthful with others you have to be truthful to yourself first. Stand in your truth and own your truth. If something does not sit right with you and you sense a prior outside relationship does not have clear boundaries set by your PARTNER, communicate in a healthy way your thoughts and feelings. If another woman is calling your man’s phone at 10:00 pm every night “to talk”, you have the position to question the details of that dynamic. Sit with yourself first to ensure you are not acting out insecurities or unresolved past trauma.
3. Be confident. Confidence is a muscle you have to exercise everyday. It gets stronger as you consistently face challenges. I have found exercising is my fuel to feel my best physically. You and your partner have chosen each other for many reasons. Be confident in your looks, your personality and everything that makes YOU, YOU.
4. Ask questions about girls that are his friends. When did they meet? How long have they known each other? Do they have a sexual past? In what mediums do they communicate? How often? When will you get to meet her? These questions are meant to be asked from a place of curiosity not interrogation. If she is simply a friend, your partner will not withhold this information from you.
5. Trust your partner. Without trust, there is no relationship. As a Queen on her throne, you have no time to be searching his phone while he is sleeping or in the bathroom, checking his social media pages or asking for his passwords. Word is bond. If you do not or cannot trust the person you are with, it may be time to seek alternatives.
6. Be the best you in your relationship. There is a saying that says “What you won’t do, someone else will.” While I agree with this statement, I take it lightly. You know what is within your ability, capacity and desire to how you show up in your relationship. Remaining authentic to yourself and giving your best is what makes the difference. Treat your relationship with attention, love and care. It is a part of you so strive to be the best in it.
7. Let it go. This is the hard one. Once an issue has been addressed, release it. It is challenging because no matter how many funny, sexy and loving moments we experience, our minds still remember the one time or few times something bad happened. Mistakes happen. People happen. Don’t happen with them — let it go.
My hope is that you will not be possessive in your relationship as the best love sets the other person free to be their best self. Set boundaries, trust your intuition and create your own kind of love story. B